Reality – 51

Her legs felt weak all of a sudden and she felt bile rise in her throat. But no, she wouldn’t cry. She never cried. She couldn’t cry and DAMN IT she had a job interview in fifteen minutes.

She was strong, Anne said to herself. She was better than that.

Only she wasn’t.

She was weak and unworthy and stupid – oh so stupid – and completely worthless. How could she have believed all that bullshit? But deep inside she knew why.

She had believed it all because she had wanted to. She had wanted to feel, she had wanted to pretend that she was special and needed and loved.

Only she wasn’t.

As she watched their lips come together
he had never been so loving with her
and their hands clasp together
had they ever held hands like that?
and the woman’s diamond sparkle
no, oh God no
she felt her vision blur.

She wasn’t any better than the ones she had hated for so long.
Actually, she was now one of them.

Her knees gave out and she scraped them as she fell.

One of the others.

She felt warmth run down her cheeks.

One of the unloved.

Was it raining now?

Bed-warmer.

She would be late for the interview.
She needed to get there, quick.

Forgotten.

She needed to get away. To breathe. To wake up.

Alone.
Reality 51: Troubling Thoughts
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